What do I do now? Navigating grief and loss in the wake of your husband’s passing

When dealing with emotions of such intensity, don’t try to handle it on your own.

Grief and loss are deeply personal experiences that can impact individuals in various ways. The journey of coping with the death of a loved one can be overwhelming and challenging, requiring support and guidance from professionals who specialize in grief counseling. In a podcast conversation between Dr. Connie Mariano, a physician, and Edie Yoder, a licensed clinical social worker with over 40 years of experience, the importance of seeking professional help and finding support during times of grief is emphasized. This article explores their discussion, shedding light on the role of therapy in navigating the complexities of grief and highlighting the significance of supportive relationships.

There’s no shame in seeking professional help. Dr. Mariano stresses that when dealing with emotions of such intensity, don’t try to handle it on your own. Especially if your ability to carry on with everyday activities is compromised. Warning signs, such as increased alcohol consumption, excessive reliance on medications, impulsive behavior, or significant changes in eating habits, indicate a negative impact on one’s ability to lead a healthy life. In such cases, it becomes crucial to consult therapists, bereavement counselors, psychiatrists, or psychologists who can provide the necessary support and guidance.

Recognizing When Professional Help Is Needed: While grief is a natural response to loss, sometimes individuals may find themselves stuck in intense phases of grief or becoming increasingly dysfunctional. If someone struggles to move forward, neglects daily activities, or experiences deep depression or suicidal thoughts, it may be necessary to seek professional help. Psychiatrists, therapists, or counselors can provide the necessary support and interventions to ensure one’s safety and well-being.

Support and Coping Strategies: Having a support system is crucial during the grieving process. Close friends, support groups, or seeking professional help, such as therapy, can provide a safe space to express thoughts and feelings. Engaging in daily rituals, establishing routines, and maintaining social connections can help bring a sense of normalcy and stability during the turbulent times of grief. Additionally, preparing for anticipatory grief, in cases where one knows they will become a widow or widower, involves getting affairs in order and discussing practicalities with their partner.

When it comes to grief, Yoder acknowledges the complexity of managing intense emotions. She highlights two common challenges faced by individuals in grief therapy. The first challenge involves dealing with ambivalent feelings towards the deceased, particularly in cases where the relationship was complicated. Yoder helps clients come to terms with these conflicting emotions and overcome any false guilt associated with their feelings. The second challenge arises in cases of prolonged illnesses, where anticipatory grieving occurs. Yoder emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and validating these emotions while helping individuals navigate the guilt and judgments they may face.

The Weight of Guilt: Guilt often haunts those who have lost someone close to them. Surviving spouses or parents may find themselves trapped in a cycle of self-blame, believing that they could have prevented the loss or made a difference. However, it is important to recognize that dwelling on “if only” scenarios and self-blame is unproductive and doesn’t guarantee a different outcome. Guilt serves no purpose other than making individuals miserable. It is crucial to question whether the person who passed away would want their loved ones to carry the burden of guilt and unhappiness.

Around the five-year mark, individuals may experience a turning point in their grief journey.

Edie Yoder, Clinical Therapist

Is there a timeline for grief? Timelines and Moving Forward: Dr. Mariano and Yoder discuss the common question of how long one should grieve and when it is appropriate to move forward. They emphasize that the grieving process varies for each individual, influenced by the circumstances surrounding the death and the relationship with the deceased. Yoder suggests that around the five-year mark, individuals may experience a turning point in their grief journey. However, she emphasizes that there is no strict timeline for healing and that it is essential to respect each person’s unique process. She underscores the significance of being present and offering support without trying to direct or impose timelines.

Allowing Grief to Unfold: Grieving is a unique and personal journey that has no specific timetable. Each individual experiences and processes grief differently, and there is no right or wrong way to navigate it. Some widows may consider dating or remarrying after a few years, while others may take longer to reach that point. It is crucial to give oneself the time and space to grieve and honor the emotions that arise. Understanding that grief extends beyond the immediate loss of the person and encompasses the loss of dreams and plans is essential. It takes time for the brain to reorient itself to a new reality and redraw the neural map of expectations.

Spiritual Beliefs and Coping: Spiritual beliefs play a significant role in dealing with death and loss. Many individuals find solace in the belief that they will be reunited with their loved ones in the afterlife. The conviction that the soul is eternal and that love transcends death can provide comfort and a sense of peace. However, it’s important to note that not everyone shares the same beliefs, and finding peace and serenity about death can be achieved through various paths.

Listen to the entire conversation now: